A hot sauce gift pack review, containing the use of the word 'ass' more times than is comfortable
Hot, properly hot, as you'd expect of a sauce which claims to be 'kick your ass hot', Ass Kickin' hot sauces also deliver on flavour. This isn't a gourmet product and the sauces are perhaps a little sugary and synthetic; thick like a stiff ketchup, you need only a drop or a dribble from these miniature bottles to ignite a sandwich, soup or stirfry. A stupid glug from the bottle resulted in a coughing fit and a feeling like someone had taken a soldering iron to my sinuses.
Used properly, this is not a vicious, startling burn but consistent and pretty deep. AKHS fizzes cheekily initially before settling down to a pleasant, tolerable heat.
This is a stubborn hot sauce too. A small dose of sauce from a daintily dipped digit made itself at home on the tip of my tongue and the roof of my mouth for well over five minutes, delivering a lovely buzz.
All the flavours are based around the Ass Kickin' Original Hot Sauce, which uses tomato paste and habanero peppers as its base, so the basics remain the roughly same whatever variety you go for, with the heat of the chillies pretty consistent across the range.
The Ass Kickin' Cajun flavour has a slightly more peppery – like Cayenne pepper – swagger about it, slightly smokey thanks to some special Louisianan spices. Where the Original hot sauce combines its citric, fruity habanero chillies with crisp, genuinely hot and ever-popular Serrano peppers, the Cajun sauce employs the milder spice of the jalapeño as its secondary weapon.
Ass Kickin' Roasted Garlic is probably the tastiest, which is to say it has the most distinctive flavour and tastes the best. Sweet, because roasted garlic is sweet. Like the Cajun flavour this sauce derives its heat from habanero and jalapeño peppers.
The hottest of this fiery fourtet is the Ass Kickin' Wasabi, which combines wasabi horseradish with habanero peppers for an extra kick. I can't usually cope with wasabi, I find it too intense and sour on the palette, but this doesn't really taste much of wasabi at all. You get the extra heat, and a slight tweak in flavour, but it's not some awful hybrid worst of both worlds like it might have been.
Ass Kickin' Cajun, Ass Kickin' Roasted Garlic, Ass Kickin' Horseradish, and Ass Kickin' Original (all in mini 22ml bottles.)
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Category Food and Drink |
England falter to a draw in Montenegro, and qualify for Euro 2012 in the process. They'll play the opening matches without Wayne Rooney though following his petulant second-half red card.
A moment of madness from Wayne Rooney saw stop-start England blow a two goal lead against relative minnows Montenegro, with Fabio Capello's infuriatingly inconsistent men crumbling from a position of absolute power to a 2-2 draw. Down to 10 men and hanging on by the end, England can take comfort from the fact that they picked up the point they required to guarantee qualification for the 2012 European Championships in Poland and Ukraine.
Montenegro, the youngest of all the world's international teams, have ample reason to celebrate having taken points off England both home and away. Montenegrin fans in Podgorica went suitably and understandably mental as their side equalised in the final minutes, earning the country a famous result and guaranteeing the Balkan side a coveted play off place.
You don't care about that though do you, by jingo? What about England? How bad were the bastards tonight, right? In actuality, underwhelming result considered, it wasn't all bad.
England's first half display was full of promise, with Gareth Barry and Scott Parker anchoring the midfield, allowing Ashley Young and Theo Walcott to cause real problems down the flanks. England moved the ball well, surprising those of us who regularly suffer through those turgid international matches where England look like strangers to each other and to the sport generally, releasing their wingers into frequent acres of space.
- United England celebrate their opener against Montenegro
Classic wing play left its mucky Chris Huhne style fingerprints over both of England's first half goals. Walcott and Young combined early in the piece for England's opener, with the diminutive Arsenal flyer, unopposed after a nice England move, pulling out an all-too-infrequent pearler of a cross, to which Manchester United's Young applied the inevitable finish from close range.
Things were looking rosy for England, playing in Umbro's fetching new, blue England Away strip, and the away side dominated, comfortable in possession despite the problems caused by a choppy, slippery pitch, which didn’t look up to international standard to me.
Capitalising on their advantage, with Montenegro looking somewhat undone having seen the bus they planned to park in front of goal unceremoniously towed away, England sliced through the home defence again after about half an hour.
Wayne Rooney dropping off and linking midfield to attack, like a close relative linking a famous footballer to the criminal underworld, slid a lovely, effortless ball through to club team-mate Ashley Young. Young cut the ball back from the left to former Aston Villa club-mate Darren Bent, who applied a customary close range finish to cap off an incestuous move. Bent has a handy knack of being in the right place at the right time, making unfashionable runs into seemingly forgotten, very profitable attacking areas. Good for him.
England knocked it about merrily for the unmemorable remainder of the half, very happy with a two goal lead, looking utterly untroubled as half time approached. It was all very easy for Capello's team, but they might have switched off a bit early as Montenegro snatched a goal back on the stroke of half time. A well struck shot from Elsad Zverotic brought the Podgorica crowd round from their reverie, and scared me half to death, zipping past Joe Hart from the edge of the 18 yard box.
Totally against the run of play, and entirely unmerited, Montenegro nonetheless carried the impetus from their late first half strike into the second period, looking rejuvenated, spirited and incisive in comparison with the shell-shocked inhibition of their first half showing.
England, though, were sloppy and sluggish after the break, missing the zip and the confidence which made their performance in the early stages of the match so refreshingly positive.
Montenegro knocked on the door of an equaliser throughout the half, rattling England and forcing the visitors into careless disjointedness. England survived one very good penalty shout after debutant Phil Jones tripped– and I mean very clearly tripped - Stevan Jovetic near the byline, and sighed in relief again as the referee rightly turned down another appeal from Jovetic, this time diving desperately, and distastefully, under some imagined England tackle.
The second of these penalty decisions came after the match's key moment. Wayne Rooney, in the headlines and presumably under a bit of stress following the embroilment of his father in allegations of illegal betting activity, frustrated by England's shoddy second-half display, boiled over with about 20 minutes of the match remaining.
- England's Wayne Rooney lashes out at Miodrag Dzudovic
Stumbling in receipt of a pass, just over the half-way line, receiving an habitual dose of close, none-too-friendly attention from defender Dzudovic, Rooney lost the ball to the Montenegrin. Rooney kicked out petulantly, but not especially viciously, at the back of Dzudovic's legs and the Montenegro man crumpled, screaming, as though someone had reached up his arse and yanked on his spine. A red card swiftly followed.
It was very silly on Rooney's part, but also a bit of a soft one, reminiscent of his infamous 'Winkgate' dismissal against Portugal in England's last unsuccessful Euro adventure, and of David Beckham's career-changing sending off against Argentina.
As in those cases, the referee took the bait, drawn in by the player's reputation and by the overwrought reaction of the felled player, but the fact remains that Rooney put the referee in a position where he had to make a decision. He probably should have booked the England man and told him not to be such a dick, but with the home crowd baying and a chance to dish out a red card to a famously hot-headed, headline making superstar, what was he going to do?
It was mostly Montenegro in the ascendancy from that idiotic point on, with Joe Hart called into action with smart saves on a couple of occasions, and Scott Parker patrolling tirelessly in front of his back four. Under heavy Montenegrin pressure, diminished by the loss of Rooney and disjointed following the ensuing substitutions, England could not sustain any meaningful possession.
The equaliser when it came, came as no real surprise, but its timing, coming so close to the final whistle, will have been a blow to an England side who looked as though they were going to hold on. It was the 88th minute when Joe Hart found himself stuck under a swirling cross from the right hand side; with the England goalkeeper out of commission Andrija Delibasic nodded in comfortably at the back post and the stadium erupted.
England played the game out without further incident to secure a wobbly but crucial point. Talk turned after the game to England's qualification and to a job done; objective achieved, this young England team now need to use the promising, if patchy, foundations they have latterly established under Fabio Capello's increasingly unfussy regime to build towards the challnege of next year's championships. It will be a massive surprise if England are anywhere near the final come next summer. I like surprises though.
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Category Sport |
I'm not sure what the strategy is; shoddy, knackered planes and rude incompetence?
Air travel can be a grisly business when you do it on a budget, something akin to the endurance sport of the rush hour commute, to be tolerated with a combination of Zen philosphy and viciously ground teeth.
Fine for a short haul hop to Europe or Amsterdam, an inconvenience bookending your city break, no frills flying is less pleasant when it's foisted upon you as part of a package holiday.
This was the unfortunate situation in which we found ourselves when we booked our annual sunny escape with Olympic Holidays, whose flights are being delivered this year (and it looks like next year, in part, too) by newcomers to the European scene Strategic Airlines. Flying to Greece, we'd be stuck on our bog-standard plane for over 4 hours of miserable tedium. Sigh.
The service we received from Strategic Airlines was pretty weak from beginning to end. Before we even got on the plane we experienced delays at the check in desk, where the line moved more slowly than I can remember having previously experienced, and further unexplained hold-ups at the boarding gate. The communication and miscommunication throughout was poor and confusing, with the announcements from Strategic Airlines conflicting with those from the Manchester airport officials. We were told variously that there would be a delay due to 'scheduled maintenance' (read emergency repairs) and then that there wouldn't,and then, at the gate, we were told that there was a delay, but not given any particular reason.
Strategic have apparently pressed some old planes into service following their move into the European market, and it shows.
The planes were delayed due to maintenance issues on both journeys. On our homeward trip we were left stranded in the less than comfortable environs of Heraklion airport for about 8 hours after our plane was delayed in Manchester and again in Greece as a result of something locking up or falling off. It doesn't seem to be an isolated occurrence either, with numerous anecdotal reports of delays to Strategic flights as a result of technical issues and running repairs, making it delays that seem to be the rule rather than the exception with this company.
The Strategic Airlines plane was small and it seemed a bit grubby. Without being outright filthy, there was definitely a pervading sense of undercooked dishevelment. When we finally got going, the plane felt rickety. My seat was wobbly, cracked underneath and lacked the padding to prevent a big horrible bar digging into my lower back for the duration of the four hour flight. If I was physically uncomfortable, it is also fair to say I wasn't psychically too happy on our Strategic airlines flights either.
I have to say that this is the least safe I’ve ever felt on a plane, and I have been flying comfortably and regularly since I was a small child. We struggled bumpily on take-off and landing (on both outward and inbound journeys) and suffered consistently from turbulence. Seatbelts which came unfastened with a stiff tug did nothing to untangle the knot of tension in my stomach.
Our outbound flight featured the most half-baked, can't-be-bothered pre-flight safety demonstration I've ever seen from one of the crew. Flight crews are usually so rigorously trained and ruthlessly professional in front of the customer that this rather-be-having-a-smoke display had the perverse effect of making me pay attention to her limp-armed smirking pantomime.
The same crew member dished out drinks and snacks later in proceedings with an aloof, haughty rudeness, shrugging and passing the buck to a crew-mate who spoke better English when she couldn't understand an order. The problem was exacerbated by the tight confines of the plane which saw the trolley and the crew looming alarmingly over the passengers for long, unsettling periods. I'm quibbling on the last point, which was only a stitch in our tapestry of discomfort.
Olympic Holidays rather 'ended up' with a contract with Strategic Airlines due to their inability to resolve some financial issues with their historical supplier Monarch. There is no doubt that Strategic suffer in comparison to Monarch, who are one of the better airlines currently scarring the sky.
I'm sure that Strategic are cheaper than Monarch as their service is utterly without frills, and on a four hour flight, you would prefer a few frills to staring at the back of a chair and trying not make eye-contact with the increasingly drunk circus animals around you. There are no TV or radio services to distract you, and no in-flight meals as far as I could tell. Where you might at least expect an inflight magazine to flick through we were instead treated to a basic document detailing the snacks and drinks which, should you be utterly desperate, you can buy at extortionate prices.
You always pay a bit more on a plane for a teeny glass of wine, or a miniaturised can of beer, but the Strategic prices were far and away the most outrageously exploitative and cash-milkingest I've experienced. They're not doing too well, are they?
There is really not a lot to recommended Strategic airlines, but the return flight did see a member of their crew go some way to redeeming his employers and his colleagues.
After our epic delay, where we'd been completely in the dark about what was going on and when, if ever, we'd be flying home, a young male member of the crew was really personable and considerate, talking to two passengers seated near us for some time, explaining the delay, empathising convincingly and putting one nervous flyer at ease about the state of the plane. It was really nice to briefly feel like someone was bothered about us, and to feel like a paying customer rather than an inconvenient slab of seat-filler.
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Category Manchester, Travel |
The Tesco Finest range collates the supermarket giant's specially-selected premium products together so that punters can pick up their posh products, for special occasions or for an indulgent treat, at an affordable price.
Currently on offer at £4.99 (reduced from the regular price of £6.99) Tesco Finest Nero D'avola is a smooth but spicy red, straight outta Sicily and packed full of fruity flavours infused with Mediterranean susnhine. It's an excellent, classy addition to the Finest range.
Rich and darkly red, but not dusty, fusty and musty like some spiced wines, this Nero D'avola plays with dominant blackberry and cherry flavours, and offers a plummy finish. This 2010 vintage is fruity and sweet but, mildly spiced, not jammy or too cheaply populist.
Strong at 13.5%, but not cruel and harsh on your palate, Tesco Finest Nero D'avola is definitely worth your time at this promotional price of just under a fiver.
Grape Type: Nero d'Avola
Origin:Italy
ABV %: 13.5
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Category Food and Drink |
Ogio Frizzante is a sparkling white wine from Italy, currently on sale at Tesco stores for half price at £4.99.
Where some sparkling wines crackle with an intense carbonation, the Frizzante pops with a soft fizz, just enough to tickle up the wine's orchard flavours.
Ogio Frizzante, as well as being only lightly sparkling, is also delicate in flavour, its apple and pear notes whispering their arrival alongside accents of vanilla (of course) and elderflower.
Fragrant, and fun, this fizzy Ogio variety lacks a bit of punch and personality but is still likely, mingling at a party or barbecue, to make more friends than it does enemies. An affordable way to inject a little, but not too much, sparkle into your night, it's on offer at Tesco until 4 October 2011.
Offer Price: £4.99
RRP: £9.99
Grape Type: Blend
Origin: Italy
ABV %: 10.5
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Category Food and Drink |
